


stitches

by starraya



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Just some heavy topics, no explicit content in terms of sex, no explicit content in terms of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 20:27:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16899339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starraya/pseuds/starraya
Summary: Bernie’s eyes widen in disbelief. “So, you want me to take part in your self-flagellation?”





	stitches

“Go on, it’s okay, I deserve it,” Serena says plainly, half-naked in bed with a half-naked Bernie atop of her, “do whatever you want.”

“What?” Bernie sits up.

“I’m know you’re still angry, and you have every right to be.”

Bernie’s eyes widen in disbelief. “So, you want me to what, to take part in your self-flagellation?” She climbs off Serena.

“See, you’re angry now.” Serena sits up and folds her arms over her chest. 

“Tell me, what is the difference Serena between an angry me hitting you in bed before giving you an orgasm and an angry me hitting you outside of sex, say after dinner? Because you consent to the first? Oh, and we need safewords because apparently if you scream “no” or “stop’ that’s simply part of it all. Please, let’s fetisize non-consent. It’s so sexy.”

“You were never adverse to rough play, before,” Serena says and self-hatred coils in the pit of her stomach because now they’ll always be a before and after.

Bernie scoffs. “It was something fun. Exciting. We were always just playing about. It was never - I’m still hurt and upset with you, but I am not bringing those very real, very serious emotions into our bed. I refuse to blur those lines.” Bernie stands up and starts to dress. “This was a bad idea. We aren’t ready for . . . God, why would you even think that?”

“Think what? Bernie, where are you going?”

“For some air, to think. And then I’ll come back and we’ll talk. You owe me apologies and explanations and you owe it to me to try and stitch up everything you’ve torn apart between us, but I refuse to prod and poke at the wounds. I’ll go for a walk, and then we’ll talk about why you think I’ll enjoy getting off by inflicting pain on you as some sort of punishment. Flagellation. Release. Catharsis. Whatever you want to dress it up as.”

The door slams shut and Serena is left alone.

**Author's Note:**

> This is only one view on a very specific scenario. If you don’t like or don’t agree, fell free to click off and read something alternative. I’ve just been reading a few Berena post-Leah smut fics that really really haven’t sat right with me. 
> 
> I don’t find Bernie hitting Serena or tying her up after she discovers the affair sexy. Take out the orgasms, and make them put on clothes, and it would be an partner who becomes so angry they get abusive. A guilty Serena pervesely getting off on punishment is understandable and dare I make the comparision to self-harm, but I really don’t think we want Bernie to be the person who gets off on giving her that pain (a far more problematic thing? why would you became sexually aroused by pain?) 
> 
> This isn’t me picking a fight and I’m not going to flood anyone’s inbox asking for one. 
> 
> And this is not anything as simple as a blanket criticism of kinky sex or BDSM culture (that would require a fully researched academic essay) nor anything as simple as me being a “prude” or “shaming”. I’ve happily written and read smut that is far from vanilla. Just please don’t shout at me. I know it’s untrendy to be critical of BDSM and by extension porn and the sex industry in today’s age, but I am. 
> 
> I have purposefully left what Serena asks for out, because the ideas of what is “acceptable” and “unacceptable” i.e. where to draw the line are also very contentious and blurred with this topic. I draw the line very very very quickly at a lot of things others don’t.


End file.
